A Very Disturbing Word
A very disturbing word is the word shame. It is a word that causes much pain in the heart and life.
Shame is a feeling, an emotion. It is the feeling of being unacceptable, unlovable, and unworthy.
Have you ever heard someone say, “Shame on you.” From time to time I hear parents, public speakers, and even preachers say those words. When I hear that, I cringe. It is clear they do not know they are doing the devil’s bidding. They do not know how biting those words are to the soul, or, maybe they do. Maybe they are intentional in this form of verbal abuse. Using those words gives shame a place to take root, fester, and grow.
Some of the other results of shame is a sense of feeling different or even dirty. Shame wants to hide. It is the feeling that all bad things that happen are your fault. It is also associated with rejection. It is the feeling you can never do anything right or quite good enough.
The two extremes of shame are – you are seen but you do not measure up [or] you are invisible and do not matter. Shame causes depression, loneliness, and isolation.
Now here is the good news. The Lord God has a heart of compassion for those who feel shameful. He is especially merciful to those who feel stuck in shame. In the Garden of Eden is the first time shame was experienced and He supplied the treatment.
When our original parents disobeyed, the first thing they felt was shame and they tried to cover themselves because they felt dirty inside. The problem is human effort cannot cover shame no matter what we do or how good our intentions.
Shame is different than guilt. Guilt comes when we know we have done something wrong or not done what we were supposed to do. In those cases we know we are guilty. We deal with guilt with confession either to God or to the person we have offended.
How do we treat shame? Shame will not simply go away. Shame is not treated the same way we deal with guilt. Guilt says, “I did something bad.” Shame says, “I am a bad person.”
Some say shame cannot be treated with repentance. It all depends on how a person defines repentance. If repentance is thought of as synonymous with confession, then this is true. Confession/repentance will not work because shame is an emotion.
However, if repentance is “changing your mind” or “changing your way of thinking” now you are on the right path.
To treat shame we must “paint it.” Like covering an imperfection on a wall with paint you buy at a store, we need a God kind of paint to cover our shame. This may seem difficult or impossible, but it is neither. If you feel shame, unworthy, and do not know what to do, give me a call.
